5 Things I Learned to Survive as a Woman at Male-Dominated Companies
Thinking of working at one of the 500 largest corporations in America? It’s a good plan — tangible benefits up front include better-than-average pay, decent health insurance, a possible retirement pension, and often a fascinating, global career. And, for the greater good, women must join and influence these power centers that sway politics, economics, and the future of the world.
But there’s a catch. White men hold over 70% of senior executive positions in the Fortune 500 companies. Female CEOs lead only 7.4 % of the companies on the 2020 list. Although a mere 20% of the 500 release even cursory diversity data, among those that do, most have a male majority, except for a few female product-oriented companies such as Estée Lauder and Avon. You’ll often find yourself the only woman in the room.
If you’re still game and can accept this imbalance, you need to learn a few things not in the company manual that took me years to realize. Certain skills will help you survive and make your career the best it can be.
1. Understand how men talk. With men in the majority, most of your interactions and meetings will be in their language. I’ve seen many men make proclamations and struggle with dialogue. One man may say, “I have twenty years of experience in this field. We should manage the project this way…” Another announces, “Well, I ran a whole operation just like this one in Brazil. I had over 400 employees and contractors. We should do this…”
No one will ask you what experience you have. No one will ask you your opinion.
You need to learn to make proclamations, often about yourself. It’s hard, I know, we women were taught not to brag, it’s not natural to us. But you can say it in a way that gets the point across and you won’t feel like you have turned into a man. Avoid what I call “woman weasel words” — language that makes women sound self-effacing and uncertain — such as, “Well, I don’t have it all sorted out, it might not work, but here’s one idea…” that will cause your colleagues to stop listening and move on. Instead, say, “I propose we do…” and continue talking.
I recently gave a male acquaintance a real chance to learn the art of dialogue. I’d been with him all day and he hadn’t asked me anything about myself. So, following my own advice, I proclaimed, “I head a 500-person research group and spent most of my career in research.” To start a conversation, I added, “I understand you do research too, Allen. What type?”
“Oh, yes, I do oncology research and my studies involve ….” as he proceeded to talk for five minutes. Then silence. Determined not to be the sole question-asker, I allowed him a minute to maybe inquire, “And what is your research, Lucinda?”
But no, nothing. That was it. End of “conversation.”
But instead of letting it go at that, I recommend you forge ahead with your self-proclamation, “My research is instrumental in determining the mode of action of key pharmaceuticals and…”
Go home and practice. It’s initially uncomfortable for us women, but once you get the hang of this form of communication, you’ll find it vital to making your points.
2. Be brave enough to interject. I know your mother told you not to interrupt, but because many men will never pause in the midst of a diatribe, you must perfect the art of breaking in and seizing the floor. It will feel a bit rude at first, but you have to do it.
In a friendly way, say a bit loudly, “Yes, let’s also consider…” or “Let me add…” or “What you said is one alternative, but another way to look at it is…” and just keep talking, even when the men try to talk over you. And don’t ask a question! That will only launch another long speech.
3. Ooze confidence and don’t apologize. Women have been raised to apologize and seek forgiveness: “I’m sorry I wasn’t available right on the dot. I got here as soon as I could, I had to meet with my son’s teacher. We needed to discuss his role in the school play and she kept talking and talking.” Avoid an excessive backstory. Instead, try, “I had an appointment that ran late.”
Don’t say, “I’m so sorry this report is an hour behind schedule. I stayed up all night finishing it, it was much more complicated than I thought.” Try: “Here is the final report. I know you’ll find it very interesting. Let me know when you want to discuss.” He might not even notice that it’s an hour late. He doesn’t need to know you found it complicated or how long it took you to finish; that just makes you sound like a martyr and a little incompetent.
4. Stand up for yourself against harassment. Averaging across all industries, around 35% of women are harassed by men at work, although data shows that in some industries this is much higher — up to 90%. Harassment occurs at all levels within an organization. From my experience, men may tolerate the presence of women at the more junior levels where you are not a career threat — but, as you move up the ladder, you’ll encounter some men who don’t want you there. This type of man may assume he is more qualified than any woman and deserves to retain all the power. At the same time, he may view you as a competitor who might take his job — and use harassment and sexism as weapons against you.
But you can steel yourself by remembering this important message: It’s not your fault; it’s his — he’s the one with the outdated behavior. I recommend boldly telling your harasser his actions are inappropriate in your strongest and most assertive voice and, if that doesn’t work, take your case to human resources and your ombuds.
5. Know the promotion process and fight for advancement. I hope you’re ambitious and want the best career you can have and the pay raises you deserve. But it’s going to be a slog. Entry level positions at a Fortune 500 are usually occupied by about 50% men and 50% women. With each rising paygrade, there are fewer and fewer of us, until the higher pay scale grades are dominated by 90% Caucasian men and 10% everyone else — women and minorities.
You may earn a few early promotions pretty easily, but to move up to an influential level, you’ll need to not only perform well, but ask for new challenges, scope out new jobs, learn the pay levels of every job, find out who approves promotions, and ensure that those decision makers know who you are.
I know all this sounds tough, but if you master these skills, you’ll be way ahead of the curve and on to a budding career. And, along your journey as a change agent in corporate America, men may learn from you how to apologize sometimes, not interrupt, and turn a monologue into a dialogue.
